Eric Clapton sang “After midnight, we’re gonna let it all hang out”, translation, “to be uninhibited”. Now I’m sure what I’m about to describe is not what the song was about but in a way, I did indeed, let it all hang out.
I've hit the place of life where change is happening and ladies I’m sure you’ll understand when I say my sleep pattern has, well, no pattern. I can go a few nights without good sleep but then I crash and the other night crash I did, you know you’re tired when a sitcom confuses you and you care that it confuses you. I was in bed, sound asleep, by, not kidding, 630pm! But just after midnight, WIDE AWAKE!
I’m not one that can lay in bed awake, my mind goes off into high gear about everything under the sun, the sun itself and everything else out there and usually none of it is positive thinking. So I head out to the kitchen to busy myself but nothing really holds my attention so I bring out the Bible study homework.
Feeling the pressures and insecurities of single life, I’m wide awake but really tired, does that make sense(?) my mind not quite ready to be awake at now about 12:30am. Well look there, the homework is about insecurities and past failures, “oh this is gonna be fun”, I think sarcastically, I’m already in a place of stinking thinking let’s just add to it. (I’m a grumpy tired person, is it showing?)
Now remember I’m in a study of God’s Word, some of these thoughts were prompted by the line of questioning from the study, and it was done to bring me to the truth of the present. So, after midnight, I let it all hang out, uninhibited, pouring my heart out to the Lord about stuff He & I dealt with long ago, about current stuff and, oh my, future stuff that MIGHT become stuff…anyone? Just me? I look to the heavens and think surely at times I drive Him crazy. But He doesn't stop me. He just listens.
The devil likes to bring up all that old stuff and leave us there heavy with it all again, however, God, doesn't leave us. In allowing it to be brought up and after about 60 minutes in His Word, the Lord spoke, “You are new. Your past is past and yes it had some rocky roads but there’s no need for regrets and fret because you’re not that one anymore, I made you new. And there are most likely some rocky roads ahead, but I AM here”.
The lesson in God’s Word was a sweet reminder of how far we've come, Him and I, and I’ll far we’ll go, on into eternity, together.
When I was growing up in central Pennsylvania, surrounded by woods, we had a bony pile. My friend Sharon and I climbed it. Trudging over the loose rock and shale, it was hard to get and keep your footing. We’d laugh, run out of breath, pause and start up again. And when we got to the top, over the rocks and shale, to the view of the woods, oh the beauty, green in summer, golden in autumn, grey in winter and no matter the color, always stunning.
When I sit and realize the rocks of the past I actually treasure them for they helped me realize the need for a Savior, mine and yours, Jesus. Yes, the rocks of the past were hard but oh so worth the view in the present and even the future ‘might happens’.
2:15am and restful sleep came to me, I wouldn't mind another midnight meet sometime; whether green, golden or grey, with God, the view is always spectacular.